The Surface Of Things

She awakened everyone, screaming out into the darkness. No one around her could extinguish such a sound. She screamed for what seemed like an eternity, but was really about five minutes, Her throat was raw and sore. Things seemed so unreal. She was looking at the apartment on Jekyll Island, but it appeared unlike any place she had ever been. She would later learn that it was the exact moment, only two states away, that her "poetic other half" was being taken back to the hospital. Taken back to be made "comfortable". And the next month, he was gone. 

I did not just write the above passage to depress. If I wanted to depress my readers, I would simply suggest they turn on their television sets and tune in to the news for about five minutes. Or perhaps instruct you to google divorce rates or mortgage foreclosures.

No. This was to serve another purpose. Instead of death, the passage is about life. Life and how one chooses to view it and live it.

I speak about breaking patterns. About changing games. About love. And this is why. After losing such a large part of myself: the person who encouraged me the be the individual I was. Who accepted me for "the all", and "the nothing", I brought to our table. Well, after that the world began to look drastically different. 

Why do we fight with one another more than "for" one another?
What is the deal with road rage?
You mean your soup is cold?! Perish the thought!
How dare that person say "this or that" about me!
That cannot be his/her new car?! How could they possibly afford it?
Did you see what she was wearing?
Let's go get drunk and forget this moment in time, altogether. 

We rush time. We look "forward" to things, without looking at our feet as we tread on the path beneath. 

Suddenly, arguments seemed petty and pointless. It makes more sense to stay calm and love the ones around you, despite what they may say or do to temporarily offend. After all, love knows no offense. 

Granted, I still have to wrestle with this one pattern on occasion. If someone pushes my heart a bit too hard, I may say something I immediately wish to take back and swallow hard. Thus, the point. How can one stay angry or hold grudges when so many tragedies plague this world. We should take the offender by the hand and love them more. We should forgive before they even ask for it. 

I am not suggesting door mat status, here...but have some grace. Be the bigger person. Take the highest road.

I say it is a pattern I wish to break, and I am. Each day, I learn to refrain, more and more. I see people for who they are and the weaknesses within them. We all have weaknesses. Some merely allow those weaknesses to overtake their life. Drive them into places stagnate and painful. If you can, try to pull them out, but if they begin to pull you in, let go. 

It sounds harsh, I know....But how could you ever save another, if you were pulled in, too?

Kind of like on an airplane when they instruct you to take the oxygen before you give it to your child. It sounds horrible, but you are unable to care for your child if you do not first care for yourself. 

My mission in life is to spread peace, joy, and love. I sound like the biggest hippie ever, but this is the truth. I could not live a life full of animosity or bitterness, spreading toxins and taking up God's earth with negativity. How sad must he be when I falter? He knows how important it is to me, to not. 

Fortunately, and unfortunately, I cannot stay angry. Not for very long. Whenever I look at someone, I catch glimpses of their inner child. The little boy or girl within, trying their hardest to be accepted or to live life happily. Sometimes, I see this inner child struggle. Sometimes laugh. Sometimes dance. 

So riddle me this....

How can one stay angry or bitter at such fragile and precious hearts?

We are all in this together. It makes no sense NOT to break the pattern of animosity, and just forgive.

Excelsior...Ever Upward.

Today.

I watched as patterns changed. I felt my heart grow stronger and larger than life. 

I have realized something. Something beautiful. Something obvious. Something that can be both a blessing, and a curse. 

I am a game changer.  a newly introduced element or factor that changes an existing situation or activity in a significant way. I have unknowingly been this person for the duration of my life. Sometimes, I shift a situation so that nobody gets hurt. I take things down a few notches. Distract from negativity while pointing to the positive...or my favorite, say whatever I feel, and not pretend to be someone I am not. I change atmospheres and laugh with my entire being. I am authentic. I am not pretending to be anyone but who I am....

And it scares people, sometimes. My close friend Jonathan once said, "Nothing scares a man more than a woman who knows who she is, and what she wants. Then goes after it. Most men are too intimidated or afraid of such a powerful woman". 

Game changers are funny little creatures. 

We know we are destined to be heard. We have an entitlement to love, and speak the truth within that love. The ending never seems to matter. It is the journey, that does. The nectar that is drawn from each experience. Watching as worlds collide and words dance into new ways of life and love. As lives change. As hearts grow. As the truth begins to dance within the light, and the darkness fades into nothing....A nothing so bright that it cannot exist.

LIFE:

Each day is a new chance to change everything...for the better. You see, your entire life can change in just one day...one minute.

So you'd better seize it, cut losses, burn bridges, hug friends tight, love with all your might, and never let bitterness inside of your heart. Bitterness can corrupt even the most beautiful of atmospheres. 

I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be anything but who I am. But ya know, just knowing that there are quirky, eccentric, and messy pieces making up who I am, brings a smile to my face. I am Adrienne. I love those pieces of me, even those that are a mystery, even to myself. Because when I am living life, I truly live with my entire being. I hold nothing back and take nothing for granted.

My words are my truth. 

My existence is proof. 

Some, will never understand this crazy little dance, but I would wager my entire worth, that there is at least a small part of you who would, if you simply opened up your mouth and let "you" flow through. Embrace your beauty and your flaws, and love them. Love yourself for every messy mistake and screw up you have ever made, because that is what has made you a miracle. 

There is no such thing as perfection, but perfection can be found in many imperfect things. The beauty of truth surpasses all...and our brokenness is what brings us to our knees, and to who we are. 

Embrace every little tiny fragment of that "you". 

Never throw away something so valuable. 

Be a game changer...

Excelsior. :-)

Keep Your Head Up, My Love.

This morning, I awakened to this world with a sense of joy and peace. Even more so than usual. With each new breath, I learn more about man. About myself. About the nature of life, in general. These things are very important to me. To change things about myself, daily. I know I cannot achieve perfection, but yearn for progress, always. If I lie down in bed without having learned something about myself, I feel off.

For anyone reading this who has not spoken to me in 6 years, you would not even know me. I would be as a stranger to you. I could even say the same in regards to 2 years...even 1...

All of this, because of choice. I choose to be. 

My first choice is to break patterns. This is something I must work on daily. Patterns did not earn their name for their inconsistencies. They are something that must be worked against and resisted. I believe the most difficult part is to locate these patterns. To dig deep down within oneself and discover something that is repeated, that may not serve them well. This is when it becomes tricky. But not impossible. We all have our own grain. All we have to do is learn to go against the grains that do not benefit our lives, but rather cause negative things to repeat. 

Patterns may very well be one of our worst enemies, if we do not break them.  

Einstein wasn't just babbling when he stated that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". If it doesn't work, try something else. Take another road. React in a different way. Open up your mind to new ways of thinking and understanding. Entertain the idea that you may be part of the problem, then fix it. If you are part of the problem, it's okay. As long as you realize it and remedy it. If it goes unaddressed however, you will only hurt yourself, in the future.

The most immense pattern I had to learn to break was to have patience with others. This is not about them, however. 

It is about you. (the individual in charge of choice)

Which standard will you choose to hold yourself to? Bitterness, resentment, gossip, and grudges? Or will it be understanding, love, forgiveness, and grace? Will you smile at the one who hurt you most? Or will you perpetuate the cycle of bitterness by stooping to their level? 

When I smile at someone who may have hurt me in the past, it feels good. I know I am breaking a pattern. I am destroying any chance at cyclical animosity. I am taking the high road.

Because when I behave otherwise, it hurts. It grieves my spirit and dims my light. You see, I choose to love. I choose to live in a loving and positive atmosphere. The way the other person behaves has nothing to do with me. I am the one who has to live with myself and my own decisions. I do not have to live with theirs.

It is a blessing to live in this skin. This body. To think with this mind. I am far from perfect, but my heart smiles as though it holds the biggest secret of all. A secret so beautiful that it carries me throughout this world, walking taller and flying higher, every single day. 

A dear friend of mine calls me "the pheonix", but I do not see it that way. Not anymore. Not for years, now.

Now? Well now, I walk along the highest roads I can reach. The view is breathtaking and the air is sweet. And with each passing day, I try to find a new road, smooth and straight and above all others. 

Sure, I fail. I fall from grace, at times...but always find my way back. (I secretly leave little pieces of candy along the way so I do not veer too far) 

So today, I felt myself shine as I walked downtown. And every day, the shine grows brighter. 

And whenever my emotions take away my light for that brief moment, I try with all my might to retrace my steps and do it right. 

Never forget, we are all broken in some way, or another. That doesn't mean we all have to live this life as victims. We do not have to stay stagnate forever. It is our life and our choice. We can outshine the sun if we so wish. Never limit the new days we are given. 

Life is too short for that.  I speak from experience. I have walked a million roads to arrive to this one tiny point on the map. I have stepped outside of myself. Outside of my comfort zone. I have forgiven and loved, without measure. Taken chances...risks. And somewhere inside of all the mileage, I found me. A "me" who is capable of almost anything. 

There is no crying in baseball and no self pity in life. :-)

So, Keep your head up, my loves, and watch how quickly life begins to carry you into magical places. Places you never thought existed.

It is never too late for a miracle. I love you all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvY9ZaJRjSw

Taking a Nosedive Straight Into The Unknown...Again. :)

I am giddy with the anticipation of what is yet to come. With the rebirth of a novel and the start of a new one. This, along with the new opportunities in makeup artistry, have left me full of purpose and excitement. I feel very confident in the future.

There was once a time I planned everything. I made lists, invested money, and felt uneasy when I veered off course, even a little.

But life, as it does, has changed. The past 7 years have transformed me into someone who does not need to know the exact logistics of the "hows" and the  "whys".

I learned this when things did begin to just fall into my lap. I realized that there is an entire world out there that will come to me if I just allow it. So now? I do say my prayers and wish upon stars. I toss pennies into wishing wells and write secrets in my journal. But I know that it is going to transpire exactly as it should.

And that is worth the world.

Another Nosedive Straight Into The Unknown.

Never Lose Your Magic.

As It Seems

So tightly gripping me to my very core
as the sound of a dream awakening touches my lips,
once more.
The future untold and so full of new light.
There is no good reason to put up a fight.

We hold so tightly to the wheel,
gripping it as if it were anything real.
Release that faulty familiar grasp
before turning away from where you were never going to pass.

Remove those training wheels and know you will never shake.
Stop planning your escape from some hypothetical mistake.

It is all an illusion to throw off the game.
Smoke and mirrors and lies, used to dismay

But real magic will cancel even the deadliest compromise.
Re-illuminate the light in your eyes
and rediscover your freedom in this life.

Stop looking so closely at mocking details and fictional facts.
Don't let this world fool you just before the second act.

What we see is not the true effectual reality.
But rather something created, feared and preposterously full of empty.

Remember that light? The one you feel burning inside?
It illuminates and casts away the truth we once denied.
This world that exists, seemingly too good to be true, is the only reality our magic will ever do.

It is solid and steadfast if we continue to believe, eyes closed.
For in God, we have chosen, we have always had the code.
Let your faith be your guide and the magic expose the paint.
Let us not be confused by that which we think is the “awake”.

Confused yet? Well don't be, because this magic serves us well.
It is the realm of the unseen and God caught you before you fell.

Copyright - Adrienne Jessica Coe

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