New York, New York

Of all the things that led me on this journey, I cannot help but always go back to the times I spent reading the Twilight Series. As cheesy as it may sound, the resistance to put down those four novels was indescribable. They carried me from a place of monotony into a place where anything felt possible. I recall seeing it's glossy cover in Brunswick on my 30th birthday trip to Jekyll Island and feeling drawn to it. Upon returning to to the film sets, I remember spending an entire week, devouring each page. I spent my days applying the appropriate makeup to characters and helping run lines, and floated into the nighttime lost inside of each novel. 

I still have the little pink book light I used, so as to avoid awakening the other housemates. 

I suppose the combination of creating a new world on set and reading about anther kind of world after dark, made it most appealing. That, and the cheesy movies that were based on these novels had not yet been made. 

After the wrap party, the producer Samuel, informed me that he had purchased a plane ticket for me to New York. I was to accompany a select group of individuals to an event in Times Square to promote our film and show the completed trailer. I was absolutely elated. I had never been on a plane before and had an excuse to buy a fancy new dress. 

I didn't sleep one single wink the night before the flight. I was up packing, touching up my hair, and breathing pure adrenaline due to the excitement. Samuel showed up before the sun even began to kiss the earth, and we all headed to the airport. After checking our bags and getting through security, we grabbed a sandwich and boarded the plane. An extremely short flight later, I was already feeling the lack of sleep, but my trusty adrenaline was still ever present. I grabbed my luggage and we flagged down a cab. 

Our hotel was absolutely beautiful, but held the tiniest rooms I had ever had the pleasure of staying in. The event began that evening at 7:00, so we still had some time to explore the city. That first day was all a blur, but I do recall grabbing a slice of pizza and hanging out in our hotel rooms. I slipped on my black dress, stepped into my strapped heels, and the group headed on foot toward Times Square. It was March, the night before my birthday, and the weather was crisp, but tolerable. By the second block, I was regretting the heels and realized my feet may very well fall off. We arrived at the location and followed a set of stairs, leading us to a huge room filled with creators of all kinds. Musicians, film makers, comedians...Artists are my favorite kind of people. 

We handed out business cards for about an hour and our film trailer was shown. Applause followed and I was quite impressed with what a group of people who had only done one film, had accomplished. The rest of the night was spent mingling, networking, and making connections. Connections I had no idea would bring me back to that city one month later. 

I was running on no sleep, and we were leaving the event at midnight. We found a restaurant in Times Square and went for some food. I have no idea what I even ordered. Pure exhaustion had set in.  By this time, we all felt like family. I made my exhaustion known to the Samuel, and instead of walking back to our hotel, he paid some men on bicycles to drive us back in a little buggy. I had no idea that in two months time, I would become used to this method of transportation. 

We awakened early the next day and really explored the city, the empire state building, and definitely had an exciting day. My best friend Nick lived in the city and we had yet to coordinate our schedules for a meeting time. So, the next day, I decided to let everyone else do their own thing, take the subway to Canal Street to meet Nick, and get back to the hotel in time to hop in a cab and get to the airport. I packed the night before, set my alarm to the song "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga because it was the most annoying thing I had ever heard, and I knew it would awaken me. 
By this point, I was still not 100% caught up on sleep, and desperately needed some coffee. Samuel and I had discovered this amazing little diner that served such amazing omelettes, that I still dream of them to this day. So we walked downstairs, and around the corner to fuel up. That was just one more thing I was already falling in love with. Being within walking distance to everything. By this point, Samuel had decided to join me on my quest to see Nick. After two cups of coffee and some conversation, we boarded the subway and sat down. I was pretty certain I had taken us onto the correct train, but only time would tell. As I navigated the ride in my head, a group of men came into our car and began singing. Samuel was elated and we threw money into their hats. That may very well have been the moment I fell in love with New York City. 

To Be Continued...

I Just HAD to do this... My Version of "Royals"

When we were teenagers living in the midst of nowhere, my friends and I used to write our own songs. We were the "Weird Al's" of the South, for sure!
This song was far too tempting to ignore.
This is my rendition of
ROYALS:


I've seen so many diamonds in the flesh
I cut my teeth on men who swore they meant it...

And I'm not sure of my address
Goin' town to town...What post code is this?

But every day's like Write this, sing that, pack another suitcase
tweet it, edit, don't forget the train case.
We don't care. We're flying private planes in the sky.

But everybody's like sound check , backup, watch over the soundboard

Find the right shade, dont forget to contour.
We don't care...Not everybody can take a dare.

And we'll never be sorry
We've come too far with this
Not giving up on finding bliss

And making sure we never miss

You can call me crazy

You can call me home free
And baby I'll live (I'll live...I'll live...I'll live)

You can never hinder me.

My friends and I, we keep it real

We don't pretend to live a life

of mediocrity.

And everyone who knows us knows that we roll with it

we live our lives and mean it.

But every day's like Write this, sing that, pack another suitcase
tweet it, edit, don't forget the train case.
We don't care. We're flying private planes in the sky.

But everybody's like sound check , backup, watch over the soundboard

Find the right shade, dont forget to contour.
We don't care...Not everybody can take a dare.

And we'll never be sorry
We've come too far with this
Not giving up on finding bliss

And making sure we never miss

You can call me crazy

You can call me home free
And baby I'll live (I'll live...I'll live...I'll live)

You can never hinder me.

That Which She Craves.

Once again, words circulate throughout my entire being. They flood my mind and situate themselves into the appropriate corners, nestling deep within a world that is without limitations. 

Forever and a day ago, I felt them befriend my world. Ideas began becoming a reality in my own life and dreams began coming true. Watching a life so surreal unfold, until the bar was raised, once more. 

Now, my mind is craving this life, once again. More adventures. More stories to tell. More details without limitation. More fuel for creativity and new environments in which to create, within.

The life of a writer is such a sweet thing.

We get to live life twice. 

This Is My Atmosphere

This is my atmosphere.

Lack of integrity, class, and character, is not welcome here.

Integrity – 1. adherence to principles;honesty

2.The quality of being unimpaired; soundness

3. Unity; Wholeness

Class – 1. Principled uprightness of character; personal integrity.

2. To hold in respect; esteem.

3. To show respect for.

Character - The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.

As a general rule, love does conquer all. It takes a big person to truly love and be kind to other human beings, whether they be “up to par” or not. When I look at another human being, I search for light. For goodness. For compassion. In other words, I search for integrity and class. Honor and graciousness. An individual who knows exactly who they are, without feeling the need to use others' misfortunes as a way to earn value, respect, or gain laughs.

I once had the misfortune of being exposed to a very condescending, negative, judgmental, individual. This person found humor in the unfortunate things in life. They relished in the idea that whatever happened, they could always trump another person's status or personality, with a negative comment regarding said person.

In retrospect, I realized that this individual had no real identity of his/her own. This is why the only things of interest to speak about seemed to always be at the expense and degradation of others. Had they truly been acquainted with character and class, conversations would have never even touched upon the negative. But rather, things of good report, funny stories about the ins and outs of everyday life, and other topics of interest that had nothing to do with climbing up to the tallest branch in order to toss criticisms or crass jokes upon the heads of other people.

When I hear a conversation revolving around such things, I instantly detect that lack of depth. I detect fear. Fear of exposing the truth. Fear of being who they truly are...because they do not wish to be spoken of as they speak of others. Why not beat another to the punch?

You see, I find this sad.

Sad for such individuals who lack life. Who feel so small. Who never learned what it feels like to have honor, love, and respect for human life. Including their own. When one must resort to casting negative attention away from themselves, this is an indication that this individual has no clue who they truly are. They are not grounded, nor rooted in any particular way. Not established. They will fall for anything, because they stand for nothing.

I refer to these individuals as “social chameleons”

They will bend to fit whomever they are around. They will say what they think you wish to hear. They are not consistent. Whenever you find inconsistencies within anthers' personality, chances are, they are not yet stable.

I am now happy to say that I am free from the individual I had spent some time with in my past. The person who plagued my atmosphere with dark clouds, with animosity and negativity.

I do still occasionally run into this personality type. I find myself searching the person over, wondering what caused them to stop developing their own truths, love, and paths. But instead, use the truths' of others' as conversation topics...as jokes. Mock consideration and graciousness. Watch them fumble down a path that was not paved by them, but rather, paved in fear of being rejected. This path is subject to change at any given moment, depending upon present company.

These are the people who will only hinder personal growth and cause great amounts of discomfort to those around them. Their friends consist of people much like them. People who do not have their own sense of who they are. Or people who are afraid to be who they are in the presence of such a person, for fear of being mocked or made fun of.

Sadly, these personality types go through life having very few “true friends”. How can one have “true friends” when they themselves, are not “true”?

I encourage anyone reading this to embrace the humanity within. To love, to laugh, and to be who you are. The person you feel like, inside.

That little voice that is truthful to you?
Honor that voice.

The freedom that dwells inside of your soul?
Surrender to it.

That fear you feel to be who you ARE?

Destroy it.

We are given this one life. A beautiful and precious life that can be filled with excietment, laughter, love, and real happiness.

Embrace that chance. Live the life you have been given and never worry about being liked by everyone. If everyone likes you, you are doing something VERY WRONG.

***LOVE TO ALL***

Because It Always Is, And Always Has Been.

I awakened this morning at 5:47A.M. I delight in mornings. Especially before the world begins to stir and become aware of the things I observe from my balcony. This morning, the air was crisp, with a bit of nip within. And for the first time in a very long time, I welcomed it. I believe this is the first year I have ever been happy to say goodbye to summer, regardless of the many sundresses I acquired this year. You see, when I began to transfer my winter clothing to my summer clothing (better known as "Closet Swap Showdown!"), I realized just how much my tastes have changed. I disliked most of the pieces I attempted to hang. So over the summer, I revamped the wardrobe. Gave away bags and bags of clothing and repurchased things I would be comfortable wearing. Classic pieces.

I have always said, "Dress for the life you want...", and that is exactly what I have decided to do.

The life I want is quite detailed. And would likely be somewhat surprising to most, if told. As I look back at my former self, I understand. I can detect most events that prepared me for this lifestyle. The things that strengthened me. Taught me to fight while on the ground until I grew muscles I never thought were possible to have. Each event led me to the next phase in my journey. Prepared me for what was to come. 

I understand that this is all very cryptic, but learned a very long time ago to never show my hand, prematurely. I can only say that another big move is on the horizon, and this time, I'm a bit nervous, which is odd, because I was never nervous about New York. New York has never been a city that intimidated me. By day 3, I was riding the subway by myself to meet up with my friend Nick. I honestly cannot think of another city more diverse, magical, and so full of diversions. (And let us not forget REALLY good food)

This move is different. But more about that later. I still have some loose ends to tie up. 

That, and I have not finished my first cup of Nantucket Blend, yet. The brain is still a bit hazy. :-)

I can only imagine what will transpire when I unpack my winter clothing. Hopefully, I will not have to replace that seasons wardrobe. Regardless, I am going to dress for the life I will have. 

I just reread this blog, and honestly cannot find much of a point to it. :-D

Maybe I am just a little excited about the life to come. Maybe I just wanted to share. 

Or maybe, I need a nap. 

I love you, you amazingly beautiful and crazy world.

Unwritten

From the very moment I awaken from slumber, my mind races. It is filled with words. They dance around and construct puzzles in my soul. Wisdom is gained, along with perspective. I think of others, and what makes them tick. I love. I wonder. I pray. There are times when the words surprise me. They reveal things I did not even realize existed in my mind. My thoughts exist in word form. There are always enough words.  

Lately, there have been questions that encircle my mind. My heart. My spirit. I ask God what the answers to these questions might be.

The unknown. 

There is a haunting beauty in the unknown. A thrill that maybe, just maybe, life will surprise you. We may never know all of the answers, but questions are easily obtained. Relish in those questions, for in those questions, you may find great hope and endless possibilities. Limitations vanish if you allow, and questions suddenly become irrelevant. The sky is the limit, my loves.
Never limit God.

The Surface Of Things

She awakened everyone, screaming out into the darkness. No one around her could extinguish such a sound. She screamed for what seemed like an eternity, but was really about five minutes, Her throat was raw and sore. Things seemed so unreal. She was looking at the apartment on Jekyll Island, but it appeared unlike any place she had ever been. She would later learn that it was the exact moment, only two states away, that her "poetic other half" was being taken back to the hospital. Taken back to be made "comfortable". And the next month, he was gone. 

I did not just write the above passage to depress. If I wanted to depress my readers, I would simply suggest they turn on their television sets and tune in to the news for about five minutes. Or perhaps instruct you to google divorce rates or mortgage foreclosures.

No. This was to serve another purpose. Instead of death, the passage is about life. Life and how one chooses to view it and live it.

I speak about breaking patterns. About changing games. About love. And this is why. After losing such a large part of myself: the person who encouraged me the be the individual I was. Who accepted me for "the all", and "the nothing", I brought to our table. Well, after that the world began to look drastically different. 

Why do we fight with one another more than "for" one another?
What is the deal with road rage?
You mean your soup is cold?! Perish the thought!
How dare that person say "this or that" about me!
That cannot be his/her new car?! How could they possibly afford it?
Did you see what she was wearing?
Let's go get drunk and forget this moment in time, altogether. 

We rush time. We look "forward" to things, without looking at our feet as we tread on the path beneath. 

Suddenly, arguments seemed petty and pointless. It makes more sense to stay calm and love the ones around you, despite what they may say or do to temporarily offend. After all, love knows no offense. 

Granted, I still have to wrestle with this one pattern on occasion. If someone pushes my heart a bit too hard, I may say something I immediately wish to take back and swallow hard. Thus, the point. How can one stay angry or hold grudges when so many tragedies plague this world. We should take the offender by the hand and love them more. We should forgive before they even ask for it. 

I am not suggesting door mat status, here...but have some grace. Be the bigger person. Take the highest road.

I say it is a pattern I wish to break, and I am. Each day, I learn to refrain, more and more. I see people for who they are and the weaknesses within them. We all have weaknesses. Some merely allow those weaknesses to overtake their life. Drive them into places stagnate and painful. If you can, try to pull them out, but if they begin to pull you in, let go. 

It sounds harsh, I know....But how could you ever save another, if you were pulled in, too?

Kind of like on an airplane when they instruct you to take the oxygen before you give it to your child. It sounds horrible, but you are unable to care for your child if you do not first care for yourself. 

My mission in life is to spread peace, joy, and love. I sound like the biggest hippie ever, but this is the truth. I could not live a life full of animosity or bitterness, spreading toxins and taking up God's earth with negativity. How sad must he be when I falter? He knows how important it is to me, to not. 

Fortunately, and unfortunately, I cannot stay angry. Not for very long. Whenever I look at someone, I catch glimpses of their inner child. The little boy or girl within, trying their hardest to be accepted or to live life happily. Sometimes, I see this inner child struggle. Sometimes laugh. Sometimes dance. 

So riddle me this....

How can one stay angry or bitter at such fragile and precious hearts?

We are all in this together. It makes no sense NOT to break the pattern of animosity, and just forgive.