For The Love Of LIght.

Truth.

How can one such tiny word provoke fear, spite, and malevolence? We should crave the truth as though it were the Filet Mignon and we were the starving artist.

Seek it. Love it. Embrace it.

Unfortunately, we have all fallen victim to fearing it.

Rejecting it.
Attacking it.
And over time, denying it…

Why? Because we are human. Because we all wish to believe the best in people. Because if the “truth” has the possibility of endangering our happiness, it suddenly becomes the enemy.

As for the messenger? They quickly become reduced to trouble makers, at best.

To this very day, I still cling to the quote by Anne Frank. “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

So why do we lie? Why do human beings find the need to deceive, blind, and ultimately crush the hearts of those around them?

Some do it because they want to have their cake and eat it too.

Others lie out of fear.
Insecurity.
The desire to be accepted by everyone.
To make themselves what those around them wish to see at the time.

In my 32 years of life, I have observed many individuals, including myself. When light is shed upon darkness, something of a battle ensues. But in the end, light always wins out. Even when the truth hurts us so much that we feel we can no longer go on, it eventually WILL set us free.

Not just because I wrote this but because God is a lover of truth.

The deceitful are always exposed for who they truly are and the glory light shines through, once again.

I only pray that someday, we can all be honest with one another and hide nothing. What a beautifully simple place that would be.

Life should never be about hiding but ALWAYS about SHINING.

So SHINE ON EVERYONE!
*bless*

So Hold Onto Nothing As Fast As You Can.

Adrienne’s are notorious for tangents and I suppose this is one of them.
I’m happy with where this journey is taking me despite having no idea how the story ends.
I never have and never will, be afraid to turn the page.
Each chapter surprises me…still. One might concede that after 32 years of life, very little would be of any shock to my system. Especially after such stormy seas. Yet still, it rages on.
This life.
This dream.
This determination.
Watching the world around me as it spins us all into different directions.
Feeling the hot summer sun on my shoulders until the leaves fall from the trees and onto the ground, once more.
It all goes by so fast. It all goes by so slowly.
Only we can be the judge of that when the sun sets upon us.
It feels as though I’ve lived a thousand different lives and swam a million different oceans to get here.
And here I shall stay until the next wave catches me…until the next chapter is safe for me to enter.
Until then, I will bask in the beautiful, treacherous, and glorious present, that is life.

It’s true what they say.
Part of it is, anyway.
Perhaps none of this is what it seems.
Maybe reality is really the dream.
Tipping forward - Falling back
Making up for all you lack.
When digging still is not enough
to find that diamond in the rough.
How far must these limits be pushed?
until that final destined hush?
Going under - Falling up
working to overflow your cup.
Taking over - moving on.
Pressing pause till time is gone.
Is it true what they say?
Part of it is, anyway.
But only YOU can win this game.
Because only YOU are not the same.

© Adrienne J. Coe - 2009
Any and all reproductions of this writing will result in severe legal penalties and fees...bitches.

..::They Call Me Tiffany Twisted. I've Got That Mercedes Benz::..

In this lifetime, I have often found myself standing by the side of individuals who claim to want more out of life. Who pray for bliss and speak of dreams, make promises, and plans...

I believe wholeheartedly that they truly do desire these things. They crave a good life and truly believe...at least at one point...that their life will change.

What most fail to realize is the reality of one word. CHOICE.

We can pray, hope, dream, and even BELIEVE...but if we do not CHOOSE the proper paths in order to obtain these little slices of heaven, we will only find ourselves on the same path, living life in a circle, settling into the comfort of the "known". And as life passes by and age settles upon your face, heart, and soul, those once desired dreams will slowly begin to disappear.

I've seen this all too often.

And I'm sick of it.

It is called "ROCK BOTTOM" and many live there.
It's reminds me of the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles.

"We are all just prisoners here, of our own device" "Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. 'Relax,' said the night man, we are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!'

I only realized this AFTER I wrote this poem. It is called "Rock Bottom" and unfortunately, from the things I have observed in this life, many are satisfied with it. I used to feel sorry for them...I still have pity. But this could never be my life.

Rock Bottom by Adrienne Jessica.

It Cradles you so slowly and tempts you with it's bliss.
Until the falling ceases and greets you with a kiss.
It takes no time to make some friends
who tell you of THEIR bitter ends
Until rock bottom actually begins to feel like life
It sucks you in.
Suddenly it no longer seems wrong.
Afterall, this life is rather quite long...
So as the days pass by hope slowly dies
until one day you stop looking through your own eyes.
The light grows dim and so you do you.
Nothing grows old and nothing blooms new.
But there is a secret and you hide it well.
YOU KNEW YOU WERE FALLING BEFORE YOU FELL.

© Adrienne Jessica 2010.
Any reproduction or copies produced without my permission will result in severe legal penalties and fees.

*Into The Great Wide Open*

From time to time, I like to take inventory of my life. I look around, behind, and in front of, my current self.

I take stock of the lessons I have learned, the love I have given, received, and all of the hearts who have I not only touched, but that have touched mine, as well.

I wish I could say everything was always perfect. That all of the hearts in my life were true. That honesty is like a disease and is contagious. That people choose to be understanding of one another…But I always take comfort in knowing that I am always true to myself and others as much as humanly possible.

That makes reality’s kiss a bit more sweet.

Tonight.

This night, as I look back, I see triumph. Pure, unadulterated, colossal triumph.

Like it were yesterday…
College - My one true drug. 8 years wondering around inside of the beautiful land of academia. 4.0

Singing in front of a million different people, writing, rhyming.

Walking into a new recording studio, smelling that strong and unstoppable scent of hope and determination. Traveling to shows and recording the same song a million times over. Singing along to familiar songs, and surrounding myself with words. Sometimes, too many.

Next, I look back as I meander through the unknown. Distractions flooded my world. I needed distractions then. Surrounding myself with people I couldn’t understand. People with ideals so foreign to my own that I was fascinated by their existence. I needed this. Wanted this. It was the very thing that would carry me from one chapter to the next…and it worked…Living on Coffee, Danishes, and dreams as they lived on debauchery, at best. It was my one true motivation. Watching them as they let it all just slip away…

And one day, a new city was found. Airports, more annoying than foreign. “The window seat, thank you”. Running to catch the train until my legs literally felt that they would fail me. Falling asleep on the ride home from Penn Station. Buying fruit from a sidewalk vendor and then inadvertently walking into a gay bar with my best friend carrying a bag of very large bananas. In true Adrienne fashion, “How do I get myself into these things?” seemed to be the question of the hour!

Going to weddings, bot mitzvahs, watching the DJ spin, promotional work for WBAB, Having my mail delivered to the Studio because Steven is such a perfectionist that he had to tweak each song five hundred and eleven times, visiting my friends in NC with a new take on life, watching my friends marry, start families, and take on amazing careers, fireworks blasting on the fourth of July while Steven dedicated and sang Crash by Dave Matthews, to me...And CHRISTMAS in the City. So magical.

I suppose as I look around myself now…this very second…this very night…

Wow.

And it has only just begun.

Worth.

For some unknown reason, I cannot get angry.
There are times I find myself craving just one ounce of rage. A moment of screaming seething truth spewing from my burning vocal chords.

But alas, I lack that certain ability to hate or become spiteful, vindictive, or malicious. I cannot "manipulate" with the best of them. Nor do I want to. I want to see everyone happy, smiling. loving, being loved, and happy. I want to hold the broken in my heart and pardon their follies. This is who I am.

But in this world, I have observed others who have placed worth upon themselves. This worth gives them permission to do things...things I cannot do. They allow themselves to lie. They have no qualms with drama or causing others pain. Maybe even taking pleasure in the pain they cause. They can disregard those who love them. As long as the other things in their lives are bringing them pleasure.

See, in this life, we must all decide our worth. What will we accept? What will we allow? How will we live? Will we poison ourselves with debauchery? Find excuses to use drugs? To lie? What kind of individuals will we allow into our atmosphere? How far will we go to be a part of another's life?

Long long ago, I placed a value upon myself. A price tag, if you will. Long long ago, I decided that I deserve only the best. That I will only live a life of peace, success, truth, love, mercy, honor, and tranquility. A simple life full of loving friends and contentment. Full of laughter and love. A drama free life. This life has been a great success, thus far. When you carve your goals in stone, nothing can prevent them from being accomplished. And I have accomplished MUCH. Happiness, being the biggest accomplishment of all.

The most odd aspect of this dynamic is the response I receive from those who have placed their worth as "less than". Before I even know or realize the way this person truly is, they seem to harbor some sort of resentment toward me...Others have noticed this and many point it out.

The only theory left is the fact that they are looking at what they have given up on. Themselves. The fact that they can look at the mirror standing before them and make note of their lack.

Maybe this sounds harsh to you. Perhaps you think it could even be a bit of conceit...but deep down, we all know the truth about this subject. This just happens to be one of those things that others' are too afraid to regard because it is a little too true and none of us are immune.

So whenever I run into another person who may threaten this beautiful life I live, I do what I must. Life is too short for dramatic and dishonest people. People who go out of their way to rip the price tag from of your worth. The only way of life is truth and honor, and I cannot and will not be pulled down by their own "worth". The price tag that they themselves have placed upon their lives.

I know what I am worth.
And no matter what ever happens in this world, that will never change.

Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&bID=535870911#ixzz0quwi6DbC

Morning Mind Meanderings.

As I was driving back home from running some errands this morning, my mind began to revisit the past. This often happens when I am alone in my car or some sort of pivotal moment is occurring in my life. Sometimes both.

Regardless, I can never help but write about the thoughts that dance with my mind, make me smile, and realize more than I ever thought possible.

As I walked up stairs this morning, I noticed how normal it all felt. How the past had prepared me for all of what this current life has become.
The church I grew up in was not necessarily one you may call conventional. It did bring great opportunities and connections I will forever hold dear to my heart. Memories I wouldn't trade for the world.

A seething ambition had driven my heart to the land of higher learning at an early age and continued to do so for 8 years of my life.

Moving in and out of hotels and packing lightly was something I felt to be normal. As I reached my mid twenties, I had discovered that traveling was something I was pretty good at!

After many life lessons, experiences, and fulfilled dreams, my premature marriage came to a close. I suppose I learned quite a lot from this particular experience but somehow felt as though I had wasted much of my time, as well.

Finally able to be me, I ran with life as though it were a kite on the end of a great long string. I watched in partial dismay as it soared higher and higher, taking me to places I never dreamed of being, yet feeling it as “normal”, all the same.

Waking up to all of the New York mornings always felt so natural. Catching a train to Penn Station…taking the Subway to Chinatown. It was all just…LIFE. My past had conditioned me to adapt to whatever life situation I was in. Living on Pizza, Sandwiches, Coffee, and Cherry Danishes (Que the laughter) I began to feel the new home cradle me, as I always did when away from what was supposedly my home.
I will never be able to recall the number of individuals I have met along my New York journey. After making many amazing connections, singing at the Nautical Mile, attending events with WBAB, and countless weddings with a very talented Videographer from Long Island, I felt fulfilled. I was living a good life and enjoyed each new experience, eagerly awaiting the next.

Thus far, my 30’s have been the best years of my life. I believe this is due, in part, to the fact that I have learned a thing or two. I have a stronger handle on things…more control over my own destiny than before.
Never have I been happier. Never have I been filled with such a great amount of peace. I suppose that’s what life is about. Peace. Once you find it, you hold on like hell.
Finding happiness in life’s simplicities. Enjoying the sunshine beaming down onto your skin. Swimming weightlessly through water and life and time. The days roll by quickly and firmly and life continues to grow with a great boldness.

I have come to realize that one can never “find” a life that suits them.
That life will ultimately find you.
You can run but you can never hide.

This Fits Too.

Remember the movie ‘Sweet Home Alabama’? Reese Witherspoon plays a fashion designer who moved to New York to escape her Southern roots and start over to “make something of herself”. Only when she revisited the place in which she grew up did she realize that New York had changed her. That she wasn't as happy there as she had previously thought...

It’s amazing what we learn from a single year of experience. I love New York. I cherish each and every memory made there and I know that I will visit there on a regular basis…but not so very long ago, something hit me…it hit like a ton of bricks.

Yes, everyone thought I was a “city girl”. That I was made for New York. But growing up, I awakened each and every morning to birds chirping. The sounds of nature. The rivers flowing over rocks and the quiet of untainted bliss.

I was accustomed to “Southern Hospitality” and spoiled by “Southern Gentleman”.

But suddenly, I found myself waking up to the sounds of traffic, having to rush constantly, and never having time to just enjoy the simplicity of life.

I became jaded. I was becoming someone I was not…untrue to the person I was meant to be.

I was told I was too nice. Too kind. I wasn’t focused enough on money or possessions. I wasn’t brash enough. Life became a little too complicated...

When you go against the grain, splinters happen…and they did. I felt like I was being pulled in half. Into two separate individuals.

But I came back home and suddenly, after spending time with my friends and family, it all flooded back to me in a rush of emotions like never before. Happiness! Bliss! HOME!

The real me is a Southern Girl. Grilling out by the lake, playing in the rivers with the kids, fishing (yes I fish), and never having to worry about being approached by someone who is only looking out for themselves.

We live and we learn and different people are meant for different things.

I was meant for “too nice”. I was brought up to be a lady. To enjoy a peaceful life. To appreciate what I have.

Sipping Dandelion Wine by the river at the campfire. Friends playing the guitar while the sounds of nature accompany the chorus. Driving to the beach…driving to the Parkway.

I had missed it all and didn’t even realize what exactly was missing until I returned.

New York was great. It was fun and exciting and always alive.

But this?

This fits too.

And this is home.

So Blowing Rock, Wilmington, or Oxford? They all call my name.

And as I sit in my apartment located in NC, I realize just how beautiful this place truly is.

How loved I really am.

How many true friends I have here.

AND how many opportunities there are waiting around the corner.

Turn the page everyone.

Join me for the next chapter.